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  • Monika Bassani

The State of Affairs

Updated: Aug 22

Human nature and its rules, expectations, and morals templates...its cheating on your partner or spouse an inhuman behavior? Our society is strongly stating that is NOT! But let us take a closer look to this harrowing, and yet predominant hot of the press reality. Our prehistoric ancestors soon discovered sex with or without love, however contemporary cultures share a link between Love and Sex.


Let us start from the very beginning such as at the time of our birth when we must start to make relationships. As young human beings we learn about attachment, comfort, and food. By loving and being loved we enter the core of social interactions, where we can feel the importance of living a relationship to our survival and mental wellbeing. Any rapport between individuals is referred to as “social behaviour” which includes social interaction, relationship forming, and behavioural development, this can be specified as a relationship.

The fundamental basis for all relationships is those features of passion, commitment, closeness, early experiences in relationships, emotional needs, and ability to communicate. Relationships go through a series of stages as they mature, we meet other people and feel an initial attraction, often starting on physical attraction, beauty, and similarity. We become increasingly interdependent as we reveal more about our private selves, we get irritated by one another, but the more pleasant aspects may well to keep the bond going. Longer-term commitments are made, such as marriage. The partnership enters what may be a life-long stable connection...or so it seems to be.

Unfortunately, fairy tales are not as common as people may think! Marriages have a trend nowadays of keep breaking, ties becoming loose very quickly, morals are ditched, and partners get hurt on each side. Men and women do cheat for a variety of reasons as well as being similar indeed! The classic cheating men stereotype reason - nagging partner / wife - need to get out of here kind of scenario is a rare one, men have affairs for varied of reasons:

Men psychical needs must be met

Men are visual creatures thus their immediate satisfaction is by browsing dating and or porn websites, whereby the instant gratification for the most morals holders it offers a silver service from the comfort of their couch.

Men have emotional needs too!

On the contrary men DO have emotional needs too! The general conception being men tough and insensitive, remember Big Boys Don't Cry! actually, men do feel the need to connect, or they are secretly gay thus married into the wrong partnership, their partner being emotionally unavailable.

Women have affairs too

The reason women stray away from their marriage / partnership is to fulfill their own emotional needs. Equally to meet a physical connection although can also be to reach out into an emotional one. The need to feel desired, no neglected or relegate to the social and patriarchal reality of - let's face I don't wish to sound an uber feminists.... but! - child rearing, nurturing and educational wellbeing of those offspring's is down right to the female side of the family.


Since the Stone Age the women were gathering in groups, share the daily tasks, looked after each other children, communicated their needs, and feelings. The men were gathering the hunt, grouping up strategically, mindfully focused on the challenge ahead. Fast forward to the 21st century and we have the ladies changing their views on intimate relationships, lifestyles change dramatically, pressure apply to the expected outcomes of individual roles.

Women enter an affair feeling intimately lonely, disregarded, suffer from low self-esteem, they married too young, and there is a trigger to revisit lost opportunities, embracing a sense of new adventure, feeling alive again while being bathed by male attention their love tank being filled up again to the brim.

Romantic love and caring for each other is indeed a long-lasting successful recipe for couples to stay together. Affairs and cheating behaviors are the result of a profound lack of communication, loss of interest to problem solving, wish to escape boredom.



SE27 London | Counselling for Anxiety, Depression, Trauma, Narcissistic Abuse,

Bereavement and more

Mob: 07506 790316 | mbassanicounselling@protonmail.com www.monikabassanicounselling.com

#blog #Trust #SelfEsteem #relationships #couplecounselling #blogginginwestnorwood #intimacy #relationshipsconflicts #communication #Counselling #emotions

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