• Monika Bassani

When Infidelity takes Hold of Your Relationship

Updated: Jan 18

In my practice I work with many stages of infidelity with couples, when both decide to work on the recovery of their relationship usually on the aftermath of the betrayal occurred. When a partner strays out of the relationship or marriage it leaves a trail of shuttered emotions, trauma, broken trust, blame, critical comments, state of anxiety, deep anger and highly charged feelings.

To re build the foundations of their relationship is adding bricks to a wall, a wall of distrust from the injured partner who has now built a fortress around themselves to safeguard their fragile inner being. Often the truth is not entirely spoken adding to the already existing sense of exposure and hurtful feelings of the other partner, lacking of a honest communication it is perceived adds further disloyalty and triggers assumptions a vivid imagination in the effected spouse, and unnecessary pain to the whole relationship.

Although there are different types of infidelity, researchers have broadened the definition of infidelity to include sexual infidelity (sexual exchange with no romantic involvement), romantic infidelity (romantic exchanges with no sexual involvement) and sexual and romantic involvement, however, the pain caused by this behaviour has a ripple effect often devastating, whichever is due to marital dissatisfaction or genetic imprint infidelity is a worldwide phenomenon. Furthermore when defensiveness, counterattack, avoidance, or blame send a message to hurt partners that the relationship is still in danger. It tells them the involved partner isn’t committed to working toward resolution. These messages damage the chances of recovery.

To talk truefully and honestly - although it may sound rather cruel - it is conducive in the rebuilding the lost trust, to interwoven with vulnerability the fabric of your relationship, as it sadistic this may sound it could be the way to restore your relationship back to its origin, and perhaps to reinforce those loose boundaries, assert both of

your needs and expectations. A journey to recovery and healing.

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