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  • Monika Bassani

Communication and Sexual Intimacy

Updated: Nov 3

I am approached by couples with a regular theme: "we do not communicate very well", "we lost intimacy", "following the birth of our children my sex drive is low". What is it the drives couples to lose the focus on each other? is the honeymoon over? how communication is no longer? the sex drive (recurrent reference from women) is at all time low. These are not unusual complaints I hear in my private practice, although not exempted from Fidelity, Boundaries, Parenting and staying in Sync.


Couples need to re discover how to communicate with each other, how to handle conflicts in a respectful way, how to let go of defensiveness whilst adjusting their listening ear to an "active " listening, so they can really hear their partner; whilst in session the couple is discussing all areas of their relationship that require trust, a fundamental base for all relationships, how to let go fo defensiveness, to talk about their sexual intimacy that is sometimes experienced by the female partner as a mourning, a loss that influence the personal relationship with oneself and their rapport with their partner.


During conflicts some couples are able to remain flexible and connected, others fall into repetitive dysfunctional patterns of interaction, such as one partner pursuing closeness and another on who is more comfortable with being distant (avoidant). Another patterns is where one partner blames the other for the conflict that ensues, and their counterpart placates by doing whatever they can to correct the situation; last type of behaviour is the over functioning partner, the one who handles the most, if not all, the responsibilities in the relationship with the under functioning, taking little or not a tall; this behaviour on both side although may seem to be enjoyed by both individuals it can easily reverse into resentment building over time.


Unhealthy interactions set the tone for deterioration in connections in the relationship, counselling provides the grounds to explore and to create a fair, balanced, respectful style to address each other concerns, complaints, needs and demands.





Monika Bassani Counselling | Counselling for Anxiety, Depression, Trauma, Narcissistic Abuse, Relationships, Childhood Adversities, Couple Counselling, Bereavement and more

Mob: 07506 790316 | mbassanicounselling@protonmail.com | www.monikabassanicounselling.com