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  • Monika Bassani

The Avoidant Partner

Updated: Jul 31

By first reading this heading it may suggest how our partners avoid taking the bins out - which is a recurrent household grumble, however in this case is about the Avoidant Attachment style present in those individuals that show a difficulty in maintaining close relationships, and for that matter to show their emotions.


What is it an Avoidant style?


John Bowlby the British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst built extensive research on child development, the child responses to separation from the mother and conditions leading to responses. Attachment is a special emotional relationship that involves an exchange of comfort, care and pleasure the lasting connectedness between human beings as Bowlby would advocate in his theories.


The causes of an Avoidant Attachment Style are rooted in adverse childhood experiences of loss, not being able to show, talk validate emotions, neglect, emotional harassment, the lack to nourish their ability and willingness to communicate. Avoidants can be concise and factual, typically employing fewer words and without the richness of emotions, in the process they may incur difficulties in providing enough information for others to fully understand what they are trying to communicate.


Those who have developed an Avoidant style have mixed feelings about their relationship, while they desire closeness, they feel uncomfortable around emotional intimacy, they often viewing themselves negatively while do not trust the intentions of the attachment figure, this to be their partner, carer, close friend, family member.


The Avoidant partner has learnt how to manage and to appreciate their own independence this in time impact on the relationship to the extent of communication styles and emotions sharing, by keeping a distant behaviour they preserve themselves from being vulnerable to feelings and emotions, to build capacity for connection, they feel overwhelmed and experience lack of trust.


The characteristics of an Avoidant attachment in couples results with the adult being reluctant to become close to their partner, they invest little emotions in social or romantic relationships, they are unable or unwilling to share thoughts and feelings to their loved ones. Although they love their partners those early childhood experiences have defined their inner belief, they inevitably become emotionally detached.


Patience and consistency are one of the most efficient ways to show your significant other how much they mean to you. It might take time but hopefully




Counselling for Anxiety, Depression, Trauma, Narcissistic Abuse,

Bereavement and more

Mob: 07506 790316 | mbassanicounselling@protonmail.com www.monikabassanicounselling.com






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