Working Couples in Lock Down
Updated: Aug 11
We’re around each other plenty more hours but together is a different story. Being in the same house does not necessarily constitute together, he key word here is together, which isn’t just proximity; it’s presence and focus. We are forced into the intimacy, not just with spouses, but also with kids or whoever else is in the home, the first step in making this situation work is to talk about it. By keeping your concerns as part of a bigger conversation, you're more likely to evoke empathy from the partner which will help negotiate boundaries.
Make your work part of the daily conversation by talking about what you're working on and why it's important to you. And if applicable, how your work relates to or has changed due to the pandemic. When everyone understands the priorities... and why they are important and what they contribute too, we're more likely to be respectful of boundaries and appreciate each other's work space and then make the most of when we're together without work.
Rarely do couples ever sit down, create an agenda, and argue over a specific topic such as finances. Sometimes they do, but typically they hurt each other’s feelings in seemingly meaningless moments that appear to be about absolutely nothing, over time, small and meaningless incidents will compound until partners are left feeling hurt, sad, and alone.
Instead of reaching out to offer empathy to your partner, you begin pointing accusatory fingers and criticism. Instead of talking it out in a calm manner, even if you disagree, you hurt each other, and the trust and connection between you is crashing down.
Those problems partners create, not the love partners offer to each other, begins to create a sense of loss in trust and intimacy, and the overall attitude becomes negative, fear of losing our partner also brings a sense of defeat in our ability to keep our relationship with them, adding to our self confidence it may also awaken those subconscious feelings of being inadequate, not good enough not worthy to be loved and to love in reciprocation.
Instead lets take a moment to sit down and talk to each other, asking questions, show curiosity, offer compassion such as "I do you feel about this"? "What can I do to help"? "Can you share your inner thoughts with me"? "I understand how you may feel like..."